The Great Glazy Donut Scandal

Hello, Sebastian Spade, Private Nose, here. I'm on the case of a dasturdly villain.

Secret Agent James Cocker and I bummed out. Someone hijacked our blog last week and said we'd been eating glazy donuts, which of course are unhealthy for us.

At first I was amazed.

And then angry.

I'm going to find out who did this terrible insult to our reputation. Let me tell you what really happened last week.

Daddy Man had picked some fresh fall asparagoose. Every one knows raw asparagoose is non-fattening, prevents cancer and provides fiber in your diet. Unlike donuts, it's very good for you.

And that's why I love it.

I even steal it off the counter.

As you can see, James hesitates for a moment--and you know what they say about he who hesitates.

Interception!

But he manages to get the next one.

And then slinks off to eat it in hiding. What? Does he think I'd steal it or something?

Anyway, you remember what I said about fiber. Oops! James can't handle it.

But don't worry, Seb Spade is on the case and I'll let you know if I find out who the hijacker is. I have my suspects.

Probably somebody cold and beady-eyed.

"Life is like a box of donuts." - James Cocker

This morning was wonderful. I can still taste it on my tongue.

Sebastian and I both got a glazy donut for good behavior at the parlor. You know the place, Jacqueline's Posh Wash for Paws and Claws.

They smelled great!

Pleeeeeze give me the donut.

Sebastian ate his in one bite and choked himself, but I savored it. (Actually, I wasn't sure what side of the donut to eat first.)

I don't see how any treat could top that.

But you can always dream, can't you?

Life is like a box of donuts! Eat all you can get your mouth around!

The Cone of Indignity

I seem to have a problem. I've been scratching and biting at myself because of itching and burning.

And now I'm forced to wear The Cone of Indignity.

I feel like running away...

...and hiding my shame.

I'm feeling quite depressed.

It tastes like plastic when I try to lick my ... well, my "you know what."

I hear there's a medicine that will stop the itching and burning, so I can get better, but I'm not allowed in the drug store and I have no money anyway.

So, would you mind going to the store and buying me some "Vagisil"?

I don't want to end up like this!

I just hope it's veterinarian recommended.

Sad News

 Hello, James Cocker here, Agent P-double0-P. I'm afraid we have some very sad news. Right, Agent Sebastian?

Yes. very sad. This blog won't be funny.

 Agent C, alias Candy, has permanently left the agency.

We'll all miss you, Candy.

May all your walks have squirrels to chase and may all your bones be meaty.

Looking for fairies

Remember me? The name is Cocker, James Cocker

Secret agent and super-hero.

 Let me tell you about our vacation on Ocracoke Island. Here we all are, waiting for the fairy. This is where I wrapped my leash around Daddy-Man's legs and gave him a rope burn. He yelled so loud that everyone stared at him. See me waving?

"Where's the fairy?" asks the slobber patrol.

Never did see the fairy. We got on a boat instead. Better duck, Lady-Mom!

Here I am, watching for dolphins. I'm a great sports fan, you know. I saw some, but didn't get any autographs.

It was too crowded on the boat, and we had to stay in the Jeep.

Sadly, the Lady-Mom forgot to duck.

That's the island, ahead. Or so they told me, I have no proof we didn't just ride the boat around in a circle.

And this is called the Fairy Doc, but I never did see a fairy here, either.

Here is the vacation house. The first day, I thought they said "defecation" house and there was a little accident. Silly me!

Agent Sister embarrassed us, as usual.

Here's Lady-Mom and Aunt Denise. This is where they sit and laugh while Daddy-Man drowns and yells for help.

This is Uncle David. I growl at him because he calls me, "Pudge." He waved goodbye to Daddy-Man while he was drowning.

Here's Daddy-Man. He never went back into the surf after they finally dragged  him back up on the beach. I think he was afraid of "shocks," or something.

This is Travis and Rosie. Travis saw "shocks" in the water and was on TV news when a little girl was attacked by the shocks. And then he went swimming in the surf with Uncle Mike. Lady-Mom was NOT amused.

Sometimes Uncle David catches fish. Usually, though, he rips their lips off with the hook and then says bad words.

This is "Lobster-Man." He stayed in the house a lot, after his first day.

Now, be honest. Would YOU want to go on vacation with these people?

When we got on the boat to go home, I got to look out the special "super-hero" window. The boat didn't have a "poop" deck when we got on, but NOW it does.

Oh yeah, like YOUR poop doesn't stink, mister!

It was real hot and shade was hard to come by.

We were glad to get home.

And notice just what super-hero and side-kick didn't get included in the family picture!