Top Secret Undercover Secret Agent

Hello, the name's James. James Cocker.

I'm also secretly secret agent P-doubleO-P, but don't tell anyone because it's a secret.

I might look cute and cuddly, but you'll notice I have a license to kill.

So, don't mess with me.

Let me introduce you to my staff.

This is "M," or MonkeyJohn. He thinks he's the boss but he's only in charge of petting and poopscooping.

When he's sober, anyway.

This is Miss MommyLady. She's the real boss and is in charge of feeding and fussing over the agents.

This is our associate, Agent Sister. She's from the F.B.I.

F.B.I. -- Face Bends Inexplicably

Here's Agent Sebastian. He doesn't know his numbers, yet.

He's in charge of Home Base Security.

This is Agent Squeak, the token cat.

This is agent "C". She's in charge of the secret weapon.

GAS!

Whoa!

Anyway, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.



The Adventures of Jamesy the Brave. Shadow Man Attacks!

Hello, I'm Jamesy the Brave, Super-Dog. Behind me is Sebastian, who is also known as Captain Courageous. Don't tell anyone!

Here, Captain Courageous and I are looking for evil villains from our secret headquarters, which has some kind of walls you can see through, but bump your head if you try to walk through.

As you can see, we have a very modern spy device. If you look through this, monsters look like they are very close.

So we never look through it.

The Captain spies a monster.

It's Shadow Man!

We rush to the attack, but Shadow Man disguises himself as a plastic bag.

The Captain puts him down.

While I go on the look-out for the real Shadow Man.

I know he's around here somewhere.

For all I know, he could be right up my butt.

Oh, my gosh, there he is.

I think I'll go see my mommy, now.

Don't they know Caped Crusaders don't have to take baths?

Come back again for more adventures. My fur will be dry by then.

Now available online at Amazon Books.

Animals are the kwaziest people

This is James Cocker, just turned two years old on Christmas Eve.

You wouldn't know it from this picture, but James has an attitude problem. He spent his puppyhood in an apartment with my son and  his girlfriend, coming to live with us about six months ago. He's decided he doesn't like cats, chickens, birds, horses or my iguana, Dickens.

James also doesn't like airplanes and tries to catch them when they come in low over the yard to land at the small airport across the street.

This is Zooey, a 4 year old mare.  

 She also looks laid back, but looks can be deceiving.
(Does this pasture make my ass look big?)

When James first came to us, he ran into the pasture and attacked Zooey's feet. She calmly walked away, knocking him over. Since then, they haven't gotten along. Today, Zooey and the other 2 horses were outside our bedroom window, where they often gather to enjoy the warmth of the sun reflected off the house. James took offense and began barking through the window, so Zooey gave him a close look. So close, she shoved the screen in. When she wandered off, I fixed the screen. She came back and shoved it in again. I fixed it, then went out. According to Diane, James began barking again, so Zooey came over and bit a large hole in the screen. I guess she showed me who's boss.

This is Sebastian, my almost 3 year old Golden, who we rescued from people who kept him in a crate day and night and then couldn't understand why he was so rambunctious when they let him out to play with their children.

He ignored the whole affair at the window.

James' birthday and kicking horses

Today, Christmas Eve, is the birthday of James, our cocker spaniel who we inherited  from our son.(translation: our son dumped his dog on us.) He's 2 years old today, so we had a mid-day birthday party with his best friend Sebastian (2 year old Golden retriever) and Candy (12 year old Golden). No cats received invitations, and Dickens (3 1/2 foot green Iguana) declined the invitation although he accepted a fruit cup in celebration of the event. Wendy's double-stack cheeseburgers were served and James received a sweater, which he will show off on our afternoon walk in the woods behind Cornland Park.

I've decided to share the story of "Dude," a horse given to Jackie by the daughter of a bee-keeper friend of mine when he sold his land and stable to Wal-mart and other developers and became a multi-millionaire. Dude's dam died when he was only a couple of days old, so he was raised by humans and never learned to be a horse. We knew when we accepted him that he'd kicked a woman in the gut and severely injured her, but Jackie was only planning to train Dude, then sell him.

Dude, being a people, loved to help me when I worked in the pasture or stable. If I used a manure fork, he tried to grab it. If I used a battery-drill in the stable, he would put his nose on it and "help." Then there was the time I was working on the pipe for the horse trough. He came up behind me and shoved me into the electric fence, which really zapped me since I was touching a water pipe. Angry, I threw an elbow into his ribs, not realizing he'd been shocked also. He turned around and let loose with both rear hooves, which I managed to duck.

You might think that would  be the end of it, but he snuck up behind me and grabbed the instruction sheet for re-fitting the hydrant, spilling all the small nuts, washers I'd set down to keep straight. Then he high-tailed it, paper in his mouth. I never did find all the hardware and the water hydrant has never worked properly since.

When my sister and husband (who are not country folk) came into the pasture to see the horses, I could tell Dude was getting mad he wasn't getting enough attention. I knocked my brother in law out of the way just in time to keep him from being kicked. Unfortunately, I was kicked in the elbow. My arm was sore for days. He kicked me a couple of other times, also, but I always managed to get out of the way (mostly.)

Oh, let's not forget when my wife, Diane, decided to ride Dude. Going by the compost pile, he stepped on one of the wire tomato cages I keep there and took off. I heard a scream and ran around the house to see her lying on the ground, unconscious.

"That's it," I declared. "That horse has got to go." To which Diane answered, "Oh, but he's so cute." That phrase is why we've had up to 5 horses at a time, not to mention geese and turkeys (which are even meaner than Dude.)

Finally, when Jackie tried to mount him one day, he kicked her in the gut and put her in the emergency room. The horse had suddenly ceased being "cute" to Diane. To my surprise, a farmer up the street paid a couple hundred for the rotten critter, which I would gladly have given away. He was gone two days after kicking Jackie.

God, how I miss that horse. Now if I can only figure out a way to miss the three horses we have now.