FEEL THE BURN!

 Does this chair make me look fat?

 Of course it doesn't! I'm perfectly perfect in every weigh. But for those of you who need help dieting, I've introduced my new Wait Loss Program - FEEL THE BURN!

You can eat anything you want. Glazy Donuts!

Cake!

Ice Cream!

Eat all you want! Here's how the program works.

 First, you need a horse.

Bark at him as loud as you can!

Then run all around and get ready to FEELTHE BURN

Keep running until your tongue hangs out!

Okay, here comes the burn. This step is especially effective if you ate Mexicans the night before.

I can feel the pounds dropping off!

Like I said, it's a Wait Loss Program. Wait until you have to go and you lose weight every time you poop, guaranteed. Look how skinny I am!

 

 

Not a real diet, you say? Poppy cocks. You diet your way, I'll diet my way. Grrrr!

The Great Glazy Donut Scandal

Hello, Sebastian Spade, Private Nose, here. I'm on the case of a dasturdly villain.

Secret Agent James Cocker and I bummed out. Someone hijacked our blog last week and said we'd been eating glazy donuts, which of course are unhealthy for us.

At first I was amazed.

And then angry.

I'm going to find out who did this terrible insult to our reputation. Let me tell you what really happened last week.

Daddy Man had picked some fresh fall asparagoose. Every one knows raw asparagoose is non-fattening, prevents cancer and provides fiber in your diet. Unlike donuts, it's very good for you.

And that's why I love it.

I even steal it off the counter.

As you can see, James hesitates for a moment--and you know what they say about he who hesitates.

Interception!

But he manages to get the next one.

And then slinks off to eat it in hiding. What? Does he think I'd steal it or something?

Anyway, you remember what I said about fiber. Oops! James can't handle it.

But don't worry, Seb Spade is on the case and I'll let you know if I find out who the hijacker is. I have my suspects.

Probably somebody cold and beady-eyed.

"Life is like a box of donuts." - James Cocker

This morning was wonderful. I can still taste it on my tongue.

Sebastian and I both got a glazy donut for good behavior at the parlor. You know the place, Jacqueline's Posh Wash for Paws and Claws.

They smelled great!

Pleeeeeze give me the donut.

Sebastian ate his in one bite and choked himself, but I savored it. (Actually, I wasn't sure what side of the donut to eat first.)

I don't see how any treat could top that.

But you can always dream, can't you?

Life is like a box of donuts! Eat all you can get your mouth around!

The Cone of Indignity

I seem to have a problem. I've been scratching and biting at myself because of itching and burning.

And now I'm forced to wear The Cone of Indignity.

I feel like running away...

...and hiding my shame.

I'm feeling quite depressed.

It tastes like plastic when I try to lick my ... well, my "you know what."

I hear there's a medicine that will stop the itching and burning, so I can get better, but I'm not allowed in the drug store and I have no money anyway.

So, would you mind going to the store and buying me some "Vagisil"?

I don't want to end up like this!

I just hope it's veterinarian recommended.

Sad News

 Hello, James Cocker here, Agent P-double0-P. I'm afraid we have some very sad news. Right, Agent Sebastian?

Yes. very sad. This blog won't be funny.

 Agent C, alias Candy, has permanently left the agency.

We'll all miss you, Candy.

May all your walks have squirrels to chase and may all your bones be meaty.