Off the Hizzook

Language has been evolving with the internet and texting, simplifying as communication by keyboard has become more commonplace. U no wut I mean, LOL. As a writer, I've been ignoring the trend, but I've always wondered why I still have to ask someone, "What's your e-mail address?"  Four stinking syllables! Even worse, I can't just ask anyone to mail me something, anymore. I have to say, "snail mail".

Besides that, I've always wanted to add a word usage to the English language.

In 02, when I put my first poem on the internet, "An Ode to Rap," someone commented I was "off the hizzook." Since the only snoop dog I'd heard of was the original Snoopy, it took me six years to learn what it meant. So how come the rappers get away with all the new words? In the spirit of the original poem, it's time for a writer to step up to the hizplate.

So be the first on hizblock to start a new trend. Instead of "I'll send you an e-mail," just say "I'll eel you."
Easy, huh? Half the syllables, half the time to speak or keyboard.

Like that?  Eel me, and let me know.

Stick with me, this works. So don't say "Send it by snail mail," say "Snail it."

See how this fits together? A couple of slimy creatures.

Slippery eels slithering through fibernet cables or the ether seems natural. Electric eels on an electronic network. A snail lumbering along the road with an envelope on its back is a great metaphor for the postal service.

Now, don't go postal on me. Only kidding, LOL.

I realize this new language might be repulsive to some folks, especially the ladies. Slimy snails and a slippery cylinder of skin filled with muscle. Who could like something like that?

So I'm officially beginning a campaign to introduce "eeling" and "snailing" into the language.

Oh, and here's the poem that was "off the hizzook."

An Ode to Rap

They can't be bothered with grammar or phonics;

ain't nothin' wrong with talkin' ebonics.

They word up a rap, monophonic

to music nowheres near harmonic.

Some play da gangsta, act demonic,

show off a gun and break sardonic.

Their fans won't think that they're moronic

'cuz most of 'em are catatonic.

Most got no talent and it's ironic

that they get rich off their histrionics.

I'm sure the world will never hear

a rap that comes remotely near

to a metered line, crisp and clear,

that holds the English language dear.

A poet elicits a sigh, a tear,

or a thought to cherish and revere.

A lilting verse that brings you cheer

when read aloud to please the ear,

or the little jest that you see here,

a poem is a gift, sincere.

The differences between a rap and a poem?

They're obvious but some don't know 'em.

Rapping is talking with rhyme, not reason,

but words have souls and the poet frees 'em.

                             John Bushore

                            

An Ode to Rap was selected by Poem Kingdom - an

internet poetry forum - as the "Spotlight Poem"

for February, 2002.